Welcome to my life

2010-11-17T22:28:00.002+08:00

The bonds we form with other people can help us through any setback... genuine friendship will survive any dispute or competition... and true partnership provides strength in times of trouble and confusion

2010-11-17T22:28:00.001+08:00

People try to tell us who we're meant to be, but it's up to us to decide whether or not the label fits. After everything I've done to fight it, I finally understood the label I was meant to have. I would never be normal, or ordinary. My destiny, was to be extraordinary. This is the label I've accepted, and now its my responsibility to earn it

red bean, east of eden OST

2010-11-17T22:21:00.000+08:00

are you there?
dont turn back
im incling toward you
one step at a time
dont give anything to me anymore
now ill give to you first
dont again dont again
love like that anymore
even when the whole world is being offered
nothing can be excahnge with my heart
litle by little 2x
even though everything will be forgotten
the love that burn wildly
will be the only thing that left in myu heart

dont remember thingsthat already passed by
how much were you suffering alone
im really sorry
dont think about the things
which havent arrived yuet
just stay longer and longer
at this time can you?
dont again dont again
love like that anymore
even when the whole world is being offered
nothing can be excahnge with my heart
litle by little 2x
even though everything will be forgotten
the love that burn wildly
will be the only thing that left in myu heart

dont again dont again
love like that anymore
even when the whole world is being offered
nothing can be excahnge with my heart
litle by little 2x
even though everything will be forgotten
the love that burn wildly
will be the only thing that left in myu heart

kudae goki in-nayo torasoji marayo
naega han-go-reum-sshik to kak-kayi kago issoyo
to isang amugotdo naege chuji marayo
ijen naega monjo kudae-yege turil-kkoyeyo

tashi-neun tashi-neun kuron saranghaji marayo
on sesa-ngeul ta chundedo bakkuji a-nheul ma-eu-meun

chogumsshik chogumsshik mo-deun goshi itchyojindedo
bol-kke ta-ureun sarang
hanaman nae kasume na-meul-tende

imi chinagan il-deul kio-khaji marayo
honja olmana him-deu-ronnayo chongmal mian-haeyo
ajik oji a-nheun il saeng-ga-khaji marayo
chi-geum i shin-gane orae-orae momullo-jwoyo

tashi-neun tashi-neun kuron saranghaji marayo
on sesa-ngeul ta chundedo bakkuji a-nheul ma-eu-meun

chogumsshik chogumsshik mo-deun goshi itchyojindedo
bol-kke ta-ureun sarang
hanaman nae kasume na-meul-tende

tashi-neun tashi-neun kuron saranghaji marayo
on sesa-ngeul ta chundedo bakkuji a-nheul ma-eu-meun

chogumsshik chogumsshik mo-deun goshi itchyojindedo
bol-kke ta-ureun sarang
hanaman nae gasume na-meul-tende

love the song, love the drama, best korean drama so far...

2009-08-24T20:59:00.002+08:00

when you hate people, you hate yourself
when you forgive them, you too are save from the agony

happiness, sadness, anger, hatred, dissapointment, achievement
thats what being alive means.
those who can't feel it anymore same as died

as human being the first thing that we have to do is love
love others as you love yourself
the more you love yourself, you will know how does it feel to be love
share, share, share it
life is more meaningful if you can share it with the world
after all no humans can stand alone. i repeat NO ONE!!!

me myself just recently trying so hard to hate someone that i love.
it kills me inside to find out that i can't do it.
so what i'm gonna do is... i will not hate her anymore... and just forgive her for whatever things that she did to me.
i will keep on loving her thats for sure.
only then perhaps me and her can be release from this chain of hatred, chain of guilty, and many other chains that created when we're together.
and we can create new bonds together... when the time is right.
friends? lovers? spouse? best friends? enemy? who knows.... we'll see

have to admit my life is not the same afterall... kinda evolving to something new... something exciting... something....
its still very damn difficult for me to accept the facts.
but i believe in french they called it c'est la vie ^^

well... people said...
love make world go round. its VERY true...
if you love ppl and also get the love back its a very wonderful feeling
i want it when people ask me, where's the love...? and i'll be able to show them, my kind of "LOVE" it might be different with what other think. but its still love.

PS: If you're the one that i mention above and you read this. i said it to you now here. i forgive you and sorry for not able to hate you. i'll keep on loving you at least with my definition of love there is. good to see that u have move on. it seems that im gonna need more time ^^
there's still part of me that want us to work. need to settle that first i think haha

PSS: God please teach me how to love again in Your form of love. and teach me to understand the true meaning behind it, Amen

note to future Ivan

2009-08-17T10:29:00.003+08:00

love this song, totally represent my mood...
wei future Ivan, when you read this ever again in future...
know 1 thing, nothing's perfect
its all fade in time...
like everybody says... everything happen for a reason.
remember Ivan, we got the best time of our live this year ^^
surely its an experience to remember

Daniel Merriweather - RED
And I'm alright
Standing in the streetlights here
Is this meant for me
My time on the outside is over
We don't know how you're spending
all of your days
Knowing that love isn't here
You see the pictures
But you don't know their names
Cause love isn't here

Chorus
And I can't do this by myself
All of these problems, they're all in your head
And I can't be somebody else
You took something perfect
And painted it red

No sympathy
When shouting out is all you know
Behind your lies
I can see the secrets you don't show
We don't know how you're spending
All of your days
Knowing that love isn't here
You see the pictures
But you don't know their names
Cause love isn't here

Chorus
And I can't do this by myself
All of these problems, they're all in your head
And I can't be somebody else
You took something perfect
And painted it red
When - you took something perfect
And painted it red

You take the best things from
Then everything gets empty
That's not a world that I need
Oooh, you take the best things from me
Then everything gets empty
That's not a world that I need
Oohhhh

Chorus
And I can't do this by myself
All of these problems, they're all in your head
And I can't be somebody else
You took something perfect
And painted it "red"

When - you took something perfect
And painted it red
(repeat)
You took something perfect
And painted it red

2009-07-21T23:07:00.001+08:00

action speaks louder then words
yet word are irreplaceable

when u wanna see what ppl really look like
give them problem and we can see what kind of response they had
those respond reflects each person personality
that my friend... we cant lie...
even if we tryin to put a mask on. our respond on problem are real...

2009-07-07T11:22:00.000+08:00

who am i to begin with
when all things become unimportant
what is there left for me to live on
why does this happen?
whom shall i share this feeling?
how can i proceed like this....

2009-06-23T17:47:00.004+08:00

someone told me this
"If I want to do something,
it has to be because i want to do it,
not because i have to do it"

the statement is very simple...
yet very powerfull..
been thinking about this statement alot
cant keep it out from my head.
we can force ppl to do things, but it will not have 100% result if its not from something within that person.

if a person already stated i DONT want to do that, then even if you force it. they wont be happy doing it. yes they can still do it, but will not yield good result

in life we might face this alot.
where we might have to do things that we dont like.
not all ppl can do things that s/he likes unfortunately, yet most of us endure it and then we get used to it. it called change, ppl changes according to the situation and condition they're facing otherwise they will be eliminated.

but on the other hand, ppl who keep on changing will not have success in his life.
imagine you're doing different thing all your life, you wont be able to master any of it. like the art of pottery, those master who can create such beautiful piece are the one that make pottery almost all their life.

ehm... as we can see these 2 idea contradict itself but yet both have strong point.
i guess in the end it depends on each individual to see when the time to change and when the time to not change. if you want to change, be assured that you will be challenged by lots of things (inside and outside), sometimes even doing something that you dont even like.
but in order to change, it has to be something within you.
if others force you to change, it will be i have to change not i want to change.
it will yield to totally different result.

as closure my opinion on this are...
dont ever let anyone make you change the way you are. unless you decide to change for yourself. unless its for your own good
in everything you do, make sure its because you want it.
i have life long enough to tell this, sometime when you force to do things...
you might end up regretting it.

2009-06-11T11:21:00.001+08:00

no more thinking....
decision have been made
it may take a while but hey, im finally here...
such a relieve...
now its just a matter of put it into motion ^^
osh... ganbatte.... IVAN you can do it...

breakdown...

2009-05-26T00:36:00.002+08:00

breakdown...
i think thats what im having...
feel empty... life lose its colour...
everything pale, everything seems black and white...
internet??? bored... chatting??? bored.... facebook??? bored...
games??? bored... movies??? bored... blog??? bored... photography??? bored...
i went out and hang out with lots and lots of friend... almost everyday...
and yet i still feel lonely...
for once... im not sure where im heading right now...
and i dont even know what is it that im thinking...
so many things revolving in my head... and i really mean a LOT
from A-Z and back to A again...
hmmphh.... i dont like when i cant control my own life!!!
i cant sleep at night, become zombie at noon...
no no no... this is not what i wanted in my life!!!
been thinking about that a lot also actually...
what is it that i wanted to have in life...
my cousin told me this before when i ask him definition of happiness
"to be able to work a job that i like, with someone that i love and love me back. live a life that i wanted in a place that can accomodate both of us together"
haha simple yet powerful i guess...
what more can you ask???
and now im still in search of what kind of life that i wanted to have...
but the more i think of it, the more i cant find the answer just yet....
im heading Jakarta for a full week starting tomorrow...
its a good timing i guess to really find out the answer for all those question...

thinking....

2009-05-20T13:35:00.000+08:00

still in a thinking mood nowadays...
been wondering where will i be...
what kind of life i wanted to have...
the more i drown into it... the more scared i become...
why is that all the possibility that i can think of, crossing each other
is it not possible to be able to get everything ^^
think think think....
thus this far havent i got what i always wanted???
why is it now that i scared?
scared to explore new possibilities that life have gave me...
think think think....
no one that i can turn to, no one that i can ask opinion for...
why??? coz they dont give a damn about it, its MY life not theirs... T_T
i'm the one who have to decide how its going to be written....
think think think....
if i look back 5years back... when im still "young" and naive, full of energy and ready to conquer the world... it brought me to where i'm standing now (sit actually) and now time to look 5years ahead, will i be able to achieve what i can achieve in the past 5 years? or do i have limit myself...???
what is it that i want in the next 5years???
what is it that i want in the next 10years???
what is it that i want in the next 15years???
what is it that i want in the next 20years???
if life is over at 70, means i'm almost half way there....
think think think......
AAAAAARRRRGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need another getaway again i think...
up in a mountain....

the thought of oz

2009-05-19T10:06:00.000+08:00

i met one of my best buddies i have back in my uni time
he come here to visit me last weekend from oz.
so we talk and talk and talk...
reminiscing those finest moment of our life
then he ask me, to go back to oz...
since he says im qualified enough to stay in oz
which i have to admit myself that i really wanna go back there for quite sometime
but all this while i just dont have any luck to find any job in oz just yet
some potential company have interviewed me, even one almost accept me.
i guess im just scared...
scared to jump out there again into the wild. break away from my comfort zone yet again
did that once, and with quite a hefty price that i have to pay.
ppl said in order to success you need to have the courage to break away any laws that contains you.
my excuse will be, with this economic downturn......
i still not quite sure yet there will be any job for me there.
well... at least for now... im thinking whether i should get that Australian PR or not... im pretty sure if i can get that PR most definitely i can get a job.
or so i think...
the question of the day would be, should i? or should i not take that PR?
risking quite lot of money in a process...
ehm.. ehm...
we'll see where did it go...
but im more than keen to go there again...
time to think... seriously...
think....think....think....

14052009

2009-05-14T10:08:00.000+08:00

wuah... write here again...
nowadays... it seems that 24hours a day its just not enough
there's always something to do, and i just don't have enough time to do all of it.
ok first thing first my new blog...
hahaha been drowned into it for quite some time.. preparing this and that with my baby... together we decide to make this our "side job" and hope can make lots and lots of money from it, we shall see the result in few months ahead.

my chinese language also not yielding result that i wanted. been learning for almost a month now... and what i can say is, im still sucks at pronounciation
trying to talk to my mom using chinese, i thought quite good, yet she laugh after i finish talking to her. and say "bu hen hao" (not good T__T)
well i'm gonna keep push forward now, put 1hour a day for it
there's a saying "if you learn something for an hour a day, you'll become master of it in 3 years time" so im just taking my own sweet time... and enjoy the process of learning it la la la

my job, well its become more demanding each day... have to meet the due date soon.
but the lack of project, really bothers me now. its been 3months i dont have any project, i practically only have demo, presentation, focus group. but no actual project. i wonder how can i improve my SAP skill if i continue linger like this. but as for now just keep on studying and keep improving myself. i know GOD have something special for me, there will be time when i can soar the sky and choose my job instead of stuck like this. "I pray to you GOD, Your will be done... take me a step closer to what i want to be"

now the real problem...
ehm... nowadays... i see the limit of working for others
no matter how hard you work, you only got the salary while those owner get all the big money. minus the hefty tax that you have to pay...
i learn before, we have to do our best and get the best out of it. reach the top as soon as possible and start involve in the decision maker group instead of the worker group. easy to say but difficult to do i guess...
thats why now i decide to start my own business... still looking for any opportunity that may arise, lots of thing coming into my head. just need to pick some that make sense and start doing it i guess...
now that i know i want to do this, my life start to become more exciting again...
there's always something for me to do, and think of.
in 5 years time, i must have stabilize my business and in 10years time, i want it to grow, while i can still do my IT work partially.

u know what... i really enjoy my life...
life is beautiful... ^^
GOD is almighty..... ^^
i have job (good one), i have friends (lots of them), i have family , i have girlfriend (love u hun), i have hobbies
just hope i don't feel content though lol
cause there's always room for improvement in my life

ok back to work...

ME... ME.... ME............ its all about me ^^

2009-05-04T09:50:00.000+08:00

its been quite sometime that i write in here...
So last week, i just had a long weekend. 3 days holidays is always good to relieve your stress... although for some reason, my stress level just seems to increase lol
i watch 2 movies this weekend, sleep like a pig, finish my game (its called Kingdom Hearts 2).

Here's another thing that i notice. apparently according to some of friends, i became quiet as in reaaaaaaly quiet. hahaha, this one although to some degree i have to agree but what struck me is, most of them really notice it.
it seems that they kinda think that i got a big problem, and i have this aura surrounding me that says, i kill people for breakfast. hahahaha
well i guess i've been running away from people, thats true.
i'm quite touch to have so many friends, around me who although we're apart yet they still notice when things go wrong. i guess thats what they say "friends watch each other's back all the time"
so i say... dont worry guys, i am back to my original self.... i think lol

Last week, totally i dont have any mood to work, and i've been drowned into photography alot. i guess i just dont have the community to support me in here just yet. its quite surprising to find that in Indonesia, its very easy to get a session together. i mean there's community that at least go out every month. its called kopi darat ^^
in search of those community here, i just found none. seems in here, most of them are more into individualistic.
well you know what they say, if you cant find one... just create one for yourself
i just need a model, and a place for me to start. who knows i might even able to put this even as monthly event
Oh by the way...
i hope i can get this lenses ASAP:
24-70L IS F2.8
70-200L IS F2.8 USM

ok its time to rearrange my priority in life.

Motivational life

2009-04-23T13:46:00.000+08:00

Recently i got this urge to read lots of things.
and i got this book for motivating people
more into like chicken soup for the soul.

i got this marvelous words from one of the story.
"We didnt stop playing cause we're getting old; we're getting old cause we stop playing. There's only 3 secret to stay young, happy and achieve success.
1. You have to laugh everyday.
2. Find a new humour in you everyday
3. you must have DREAM!!! when you lost your dream, u died.
There's lot of people who died walking among us, but they just don't know it yet."

"Its so much different between getting old and becoming old
when you're 19 and laying on your bed for a whole year doing nothing, you still gonna be 20. everyone is getting older. it doesn't need a skill or talent
become older and wiser by always looking for a change in a chance. dont ever regret.
old people usually never regret what they had done, but more into regretting things that they haven't done. People who affraid to die are those who live with regrets"

Remember getting older is a must but become older is a choice

somehow it really hit me hard. i know my age right now... and yes im getting older by seconds... and there's nothing i can do about it. everybody share the same problem as i am. but have i been older in a sense of my maturity level...
have i done all the things that i always wanted to do?
ehm.... it might have been true... my parents always complaining IF ONLY they did this IF ONLY they did that.. well those are things that already pass cause they didnt take the risk.
well me for once... don't want to take the same road i guess...
i'm going my own road right now, although its not young anymore ^^ but one told me that "ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO START ON ANYTHING"
you just need to put your heart into it.. and make the first step.
its very funny yet mind blasting, how easy we put our life in synch with those we have take the same path as we are.
Johny walker motto "KEEP ON WALKING" ^^

Lessons of Life

2009-04-22T18:11:00.000+08:00

I feared being alone until I learned to like myself.
I feared failure until I realized that I only fail when I don’t try.
I feared success until I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself.
I feared people’s opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.

I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself.
I feared pain until I learned that it’s necessary for growth.
I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness in lies.
I feared life until I experienced its beauty.

I feared death until I realized that it’s not an end, but a beginning.
I feared my destiny, until I realized that I had the power to change my life.
I feared hate until I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.
I feared love until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.

I feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better.
I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.

I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength.
I feared change, until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a metamorphosis before it could fly.

~Bobbete Bryan

Obsession of Collecting...

2009-04-22T10:12:00.000+08:00

recently i just realize something...
my friend told me about this actually.
why did i always buy unnecessary things from watson or shell
at first i just said.. i like it thats why i bought it
but after i think about it more
i think the reason behind it, is because what i bought is actually collectible items
in watson Malaysia, they sell cute keychain for 2.99 each if we bought items from watson for 25rm
they have 8 item per set. the first time i saw that... i go directly to watson buy 25rm of goodies
and get that collectible full set. and i feel happy cause i manage to get the so called limited item set
haha silly???
recently in SHELL malaysia, they sell replica of ferrari model same like watson they had 8 item per set
each model cost me 8.99rm and i have to put petrol for 40rm in order to buy that.
when i had the chance to do roadtrip last time. i manage to fill petrol in area that not very crowded
and wala.... they still had the full set. so i grab all of them together

in reality, i dont think i need those replica or that keychain
after i get it... i only put it in my drawer thats all...
but im sure, if later on whoever sold another collection i will definitely get it
i think im kinda obsessed with collecting.
the more difficult for me to get those... it gets more challenging.
was it wrong??
now that i think about it, i collect coins, money notes, snoopy, ferrari, forever friends
im kinda scared to collect stamps... coz i now i can be very obsessed with it.
if only i can put my mind into something better
etc to learn something...
it would be good if i obsessed with collecting money...
or obsessed with knowledge...
or obsessed with information...
or obsessed with language...
or obsessed with many other useful thing
i just got to put that into my head i guess...
that money is cute... that knowledge is good, information is power, language is usefull
just have to be more carefull.. because obsession breed greed and envy

2009-04-19T16:23:00.000+08:00

Thank you for the smile
That never fails to brighten my day
For the tender look
When you gaze at me with eyes
that warm my heart
For the music of your laugther,
Touch that makes my pules go faster
Thanks for all the memories of a lifetime
Thank you for the fire you have set ablaze within me
With your kisses you´ve awakened
This old heart from its slumber
I feel like 17 again,
It´s all because of you
Thanks for choosing me from all the rest
Though I´m far from being the best.
Most of all I want to thank you, love,
for loving me
although we're apart,
i know choosing you is the best decision in my life
i'm happy when you're happy, and i'm sad when you're sad
you teach me new things, you open my minds
new possibilities that i never think of
this heart is completely yours
keep it, save it, treasure it or even break it... its yours
once again, than you, dear,
for loving me

simple collection of words from a boyfriend to his girlfriend

sad

2009-04-13T23:33:00.001+08:00

today somehow... just like any other day...
but today i felt SAD, extremely sad....
coz i think about my dad...
he passed away for 8years already now...
and all this while i've been suppressing my own feeling, ever since i lost him that day
i refuse to think and drown into the sorrow
but today my mom called and we talk a lot about him...
it makes me wonder... have i been a good son to him?
and out of sudden... tears running down my face...
i have never cried like that ever since he died. i guess i miss him so much...
the thought of losing someone very dear to you, and the thought of have u done your best to avoid losing that person
somehow the decision to remove that plug is still haunting me after all...
that time... when i decide to remove him from the ICCU that leads to .........
if only... if only... if only..... thats all i can think of right now....
but there's no if... that can change the faqs... is that i lost it already.

AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!

2009-04-10T16:24:00.000+08:00

who can understand us the most in this world???
its no other then... ourself.... or is it GOD who creates us???
why is it there's always a flaw in every plan
AAARRRRGGGHHHHH......
feels like going to a mountain... and SCREAAAAM............

Problem... Stressfull ^^

2009-04-07T20:31:00.000+08:00

Knowing that one had problem... is a big step
Once we know what is the problem, one can start to find solution for it
I got this from my church long time ago "Keterbukaan awal pemulihan"
literally it translated into "Open your heart its a start of recovery process"
i knew what the problem is, the only thing matter now is whether i can still fix it or not.
but i'm a fighter, i will not give up, not until there's no hope left
we can't change the world, but we can change the way we see the world... to gain new perspective
apparently, not all people can be treated equally.
Failure, disappointment of the past can linger... although we thought we forget about it
sometimes... we do things differently... but who knows perhaps what we tought wrong, is actually the correct way of doing things

waiting....

2009-04-03T09:49:00.000+08:00

In these past couple of days, i've been keep on waiting and waiting...
somehow it just unbearable....
perhaps it just me, who just dont like waiting...
I pray and pray to GOD to give me strength and patience
and let HIS will be done upon me... amen

First Post

2009-04-02T09:43:00.000+08:00

Hehehe my first post at the blog...
let see.... what is this blog gonna be?
its gonna be covering my life i guess..
all the random things that i think... all the event happen to my life
all the food i eat, all the places i go....
this should be funny i guess